Unique Excuses

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

― Epictetus

Your Problems Aren't Unique. Your Excuses Are.

You believe your situation is special. You feel that the specific combination of obstacles you face, your unique history, your particular fears, and your precise circumstances have created a cage that no one else could possibly understand. You feel uniquely and terminally stuck.

I’m here to tell you that the things you think make your struggle special are, in fact, the most common things about you. Your fear is not special. Your doubt is not unique. Your uncertainty is not a rare disease. These are the shared aches and pains of every human being who has ever lived. They are the price of admission to having a meaningful life.

What is special, what is truly unique and exquisitely crafted, is the excuse you have built on top of that common foundation.

You have taken the universal human curriculum of fear and doubt, and you have written a doctoral thesis on why, in your specific case, it is an insurmountable obstacle. Your problem isn't your problem. Your story about your problem is the problem.

The Universal Human Condition

Let's be clear. Everyone struggles. Every single person you admire, every hero you look up to, every titan of industry, and every creative genius has felt the cold grip of fear. They have all heard the whisper of doubt. They have all stood at a crossroads, paralysed by uncertainty. They have all known loss, insecurity, and the feeling of not being enough.

This is not a curse that has been placed upon you. It is simply the weather you need to contend with whilst being alive.

No one is promised a lifetime of sunshine. The storms of fear, the chilling winds of doubt, and the sudden downpours of grief come for everyone. They are not a sign that you are on the wrong path or that you have failed. They are a sign that you are out on the field, playing the game of life.

The fundamental question is never about how you avoid the storm, because no matter what you do, you can’t. The question is what you do when it hits. Do you stand there, lamenting the rain and using the forecast as an excuse to give up? Or do you learn to build a shelter, to navigate the winds, and to keep moving forward even when you are soaked to the bone? Your character is not revealed on the sunny days. It is forged in the storm. What defines you is not the weather you encounter, but how you choose to journey through it.

The Uniqueness of Your Excuses

While the problems are universal, our excuses are deeply personal and creative. This is where your uniqueness truly shines.

The universal problem is a fear of failure.

Your unique excuse is, "I can't launch my business because my specific market is too saturated right now, my savings are in a particular kind of account that I can't touch, and what my cousin’s friend said about my idea last Christmas really made me think it is not viable."

The universal problem is a fear of rejection.

Your unique excuse is, "I can't ask that person out because they are out of my league in a very specific way, and given my history with people from that particular background, I know it will end badly, plus I'm too busy on Tuesdays."

We cling to the specialness of our excuses for one simple reason: it makes our inaction feel justified. Think about it. If your problem is just the common fear that everyone learns to manage, then not acting is a failure of will. It's a choice. But if your problem is a rare and complicated catastrophe, a perfect storm of bad luck and impossible odds? Then not acting is a tragedy. It's fate. One of these stories makes you a responsible adult. The other lets you remain a victim.

Stepping Stones or Tombstones

Your pain is not special, but your response to it can be. Every problem that arrives at your door is just neutral energy. It is a circumstance. You, and only you, get to decide what it will become. You will turn it into either a stepping stone or a tombstone.

An excuse turns your problem into a tombstone. It becomes a monument that marks the place where your progress came to an end. "Here lies my dream of being a writer, killed by a lack of time." "Here lies my chance at love, killed by a fear of getting hurt again." You can spend your life polishing these monuments, showing them to visitors, and explaining the tragic story of what might have been.

A choice turns your problem into a stepping stone. It uses the weight and solidity of the obstacle to lift you higher. The fear of failure forces you to create a more detailed plan. The lack of resources forces you to become more creative. The pain of the last betrayal teaches you to set stronger boundaries. The problem becomes the raw material for your greatest strength.

The same stone can be used to build a wall or a bridge. The stone is not the deciding factor. You are.

Your First Step Onto the Stone

It is time to stop polishing the tombstone and start building the bridge. Here is your work.

Step 1: Universalise Your Problem.

Write down the biggest problem you believe is holding you back. Write it out in all its unique, specific detail. Now, like a scientist finding the core element, strip away all the personal adjectives and circumstances. What is the universal human struggle at its heart? (e.g., “My complex financial and family situation prevents me from starting my business” becomes “I am afraid of uncertainty and failure.”) Seeing the raw, universal truth deflates the power of your special excuse.

Step 2: Find a New Role Model.

Think of one person, historical or contemporary, who faced that exact same universal problem (fear of failure, doubt, uncertainty) and acted anyway. How did they respond? What can you learn from their approach? The existence of just one other person who did not use your universal problem as an excuse proves that a different outcome is possible. For reference, mine is always Stephen Hawking. How he achieved what he did, with the limitations he had, make my pitiful excuses look exactly as they are, pitiful.

Step 3: Define Your Next Step Up.

A stepping stone is for forward and upward movement. Looking at your universal problem, what is one small action that would represent a step up and over, rather than a surrender to it? If your problem is "doubt," your action might be to complete one small, manageable task to build a speck of self-confidence. If your problem is "fear," your action is to take one tiny, calculated risk. You are not trying to solve everything. You are simply changing your pattern of response from justification to action.

Your life will not be defined by the challenges you faced. Everyone faces challenges. It will be defined by what you built from them. Did you build a monument to all the reasons you couldn't, or did you build a bridge to where you wanted to go, using the very stones that were meant to block your path?