We have all seen the fire triangle. It is the simple, powerful model that explains one of nature’s most destructive forces. You need three things: Heat, Oxygen, and Fuel. When you have all three, a fire will inevitably burn. But if you can remove just one of those three sides, the fire weakens. It loses its power. It goes out.
Your mind works in exactly the same way.
I’m Stuart from Naiture Within. When I talk to people about creating space from their inner world, I often meet resistance. They think I am asking them to "stop feeling" or to become an unthinking, unfeeling robot. Spoiler alert: I am not.
In fact, it is the exact opposite. I am asking you to understand the components of your own inner fire so that you can stop it from burning you down. We need to learn that if we can focus on and remove just one side of our own Mental Triangle, the other two, though still present, lose their power over us.
This triangle consists of three sides: Feelings, Emotions, and Thoughts.
Feelings are physical. They are raw data from your body. A tightness in your chest. A clenching in your jaw. The heat of a blush on your neck. Palms becoming hot and sweaty. Your pulse quickening. These are just sensations.
Let's use an example. You feel a tightness in your chest, your palms are sweaty, and your pulse is racing. What does it mean?
Well, if you are at the gym, it means you are smashing your workout. Congratulations. But if you are sitting at your desk at work just about to go into a review meeting, it could mean something far more serious, perhaps even dangerous. It is the context here that matter. The story you tell yourself about the feeling gives it power.
The physical feeling of excitement and the physical feeling of nervousness are virtually identical. The only difference is the label, the frame you put around it. Consider this scenario. You're stood behind a curtain about to walk out on stage in front of dozens, hundreds, perhaps thousands of people. You have a surge of energy, a quickening pulse, and a lightness in the chest. Your framing here matters. If you frame this as nerves, as fear, the butterflies you feel means you're about to be sick. If you frame this as excitement the butterflies become a delightful mix of nerves and eagerness that signifies something thrilling is happening. This is why some people love the feeling of being about to step on stage, while others are terrified. They have chosen to frame their nervous energy as excitement, and it changes everything.
The proof that you can separate feeling from thought and emotion is that you do it all the time. You can feel an itch and scratch it without an emotional response or a complex thought process. You do not spend time considering how to breathe; you just do it. You can learn to feel any physical sensation completely, without reservation, and not need to have an emotional response or even a conscious thought about it. Just feel it. Utterly. That is the first step.
Emotions are ephemeral. They seem to come from nowhere and, if left alone, will return to that same place just as quickly. That is, unless you decide to interact with them.
Let me give you an analogy. Remember when you were a kid and you had a simple, air-filled balloon? You would throw it up in the air and then do everything in your power to keep it from touching the floor. You would tap it with your hands, your head, your feet. The game was frantic, and it could last for hours. But the moment you decided to end the game, the moment you stopped touching the balloon, it would gently, inevitably, float to the floor.
Your emotions are exactly like that balloon. If you acknowledge an emotion, see it for what it is, but otherwise remain "hands off," it will eventually fall to the floor. Its power to control the game disappears. But if you keep playing with it, if you keep tapping at it with your thoughts, replaying the story of why you are angry or sad, you can keep it in the air for hours, days, or even years.
Clinging to anger, hatred, and self-loathing does nothing but harm you. Letting them float to the ground is a choice. It is time to make a good one.
Now we come to the part of the triangle we mistake for our very identity: your thoughts.
Imagine yourself sitting alone in a quiet room. What thoughts are running through your mind? Are you thinking about a memory? Are you worrying about the future? Or, are you inexplicably singing “Bat Out of Hell” by Meatloaf at full volume inside your own head?
Here is the real question: who, or what, chose that thought?
Why were you thinking about your first kiss and not the last podcast you listened to? And if you think you chose it, where did you make that choice before the thought appeared in your consciousness? Where, exactly, were you mulling over the thought before you were aware of it?
Here is the thing: your thoughts are not you. They are proposals, not commands. They are suggestions offered up by your mind. They can influence you, sure, but they do not control you, unless you allow them to do so. You need to learn how to find the space between the thought and your reaction to it. Only then can you decide whether to follow it, like a child chasing a bubble, or to simply let it float by. Or even better, with the absurd and crappy thoughts, you can learn to laugh at them.
The point here is actually rather simple, as most profound truths are. You are not your feelings. You are not your emotions. You are not your thoughts. You are nothing more than the conscious awareness that is experiencing all three.
Your work is to weaken their power by breaking the triangle, much like extinguishing a fire. You must create time and space between the stimulus and your reaction.
Step 1: Identify Your Primary Fuel.
Which side of the triangle do you get most caught up in? Do you tend to be driven by physical Feelings (a knot in your stomach, a racing heart)? Do Emotions tend to sweep you away? Or do you get lost for hours in the labyrinth of your Thoughts? Be honest. Knowing where the fire usually starts gives you a target.
Step 2: Practice "Hands Off" for Two Minutes.
Based on your answer, try this micro-practice. If your fuel is Emotions, the next time you feel a strong one (like anger or sadness), set a timer for two minutes. Your only job is to play the balloon game. Acknowledge the emotion is there, but do not "tap" it with your thoughts. Do not feed it a story. Just watch it. If your fuel is Thoughts, sit for two minutes and just watch them appear and disappear, without latching on to any single one. THIS ISN'T EASY. You will fail. But keep trying. When you fail, and you will, just begin again. Don't reset the timer, just acknowledge, without judgement that you lost that round, then go again.
Step 3: Create One Conscious Gap.
For the next 24 hours, your only goal is to create one single, conscious gap. When you feel a strong stimulus, whether it is a feeling, emotion, or thought, your task is to pause and take one deliberate, slow breath before you react. This is the practice of creating space. Initially, it may seem impossible. But over time, that space will grow. You will begin to find freedom in that tiny pause. And one day, you will realise that your entire way of reacting to the world has changed. Because you made a choice.
